A Heroes Of Olympus Parody
by Hazea
Summary: Jason has a problem: Apparently, he's uglier than Khloe Kardashian and everyone's afraid they'll catch whatever the hell made him so hideous. Piper has no secrets: After all, she's that bitchy native kid. She says whatever the hell she wants. Leo has a way with...Well, everyone. Seriously, he's gorgeous. All the ladies (and a few gentleman here and there) want a piece of the Leo.
1. Jason I

**Good day/afternoon/evening to everyone! This is my very first fanfic, so I hope you enjoy it. I've had this idea for a while now, but I wasn't sure if I actually wanted to post it. I decided to anyways… So, yeah, enjoy! **

**P.S I do not mean to offend anyone who might like Jason or Piper. I made Jason ugly because, in the books, he's described as good-looking. And for Piper, I just felt like making her a bad bitch x) Feels like the right thing to do. I doubt anyone will complain about Leo, but, because I feel like explain, I made him so attractive because, in the books, he is ignored so hard and seems so undesirable. It's sad, really, because all us fangirls on twitter would tap dat ANYDAY.**

**P.S.S. I would GREATLY enjoy some reviews. I don't want to waste my time writing something that nobody likes/wants to read. So please let me know what you think!**

**Anyways, on with the story!**

I

JASON

Even before shit went down, Jason was having a rotten day. He woke up in the backseat of a school bus, seemingly alone. It took him several moments to realize the bus was full; it was just that nobody was within five seats of him.

Jason didn't remember a thing. Not why he was on this bus, not where the bus was going, and definitely not who these kids were. He stood up from his seat, and became to march his way up the aisle.

"Goddammit." A kid whined, "Coach, he's coming closer!"

Kids on the bus began to panic, covering their mouths and noses with the front of their shirts. Jason didn't think he smelt that bad.

"Oh, my God!" A girl screamed, practically bursting into tears. "Coach, do something! Hurry! I can feel him infecting me already!"

Before Jason could be offended, a tall, muscular, beefy man stood up. Jason couldn't help but relate him to a caveman, all hunched over in the small bus, a club clenched in his right fist.

"Jason!" The coach barked, "Get your ugly ass to the back of the bus. We don't need you infecting Leo."

"What about the rest of us?" A girl spoke up.

"Oh, yeah." He remembered, "You guys, too. But mostly Leo."

The coach jerked a thumb towards a kid in the front seat. Just one look and Jason had practically fallen in love, despite the fact he was positive of his heterosexuality. This kid was gorgeous. With his luscious black curls, blank (but adorable) expression and Latino exterior, it was no wonder why he was surrounded by girls.

"Actually," Leo spoke up. "I don't mind Jason sitting up front."

"No, Leo." The coach denied. "I refuse to allow this _thing _damage your perfection."

Jason looked at Leo. He simply shrugged.

"Back of the bus," The coach raised his club threateningly. "_Now._"

Jason backed up without a word. He sat down in his original seat.What had just happened? Everyone had just acted as if he had some sort of virus. He didn't have a virus, did he? He sure didn't remember any virus. But, then again, he didn't remember anything else.

He looked over the seats at the boy named Leo. He was awful good looking, and everyone seemed to notice. They were all sitting as close to him as possible. Playing with his curls, asking him questions and being all flirtatious. Even the boys. Jason didn't blame them. That boy was utter perfection. Jason just wanted to wrap his arms around him and hold him forever.

"Hey," A girl's voice spoke from next to Jason, interrupting his daydream. In the opposite bus seat, was a girl. She had short brown hair with little braids here and there. She wore a jacket, jeans and boots—nothing special. But her eyes—her eyes were different. It was changing colors every few seconds, and it was freaking the hell out of Jason.

"Uhm," Jason tried to reply. "What're you doing here?"

"Going on a fieldtrip, dumbass." She responded, casually. "You know—Like everyone else on this bus."

"Well, that was rude." He frowned. "I meant what're you doing near me. Everyone else seems afraid."

"That's because you're hideous," She explained, heartlessly. "The ugliest thing anyone's ever seen since Khloe Kardashian."

"Khloe isn't that bad."

"Maybe not," She admitted. "But Khloe Kardashian is the ugly duck of the Kardashian sisters. You can't deny that."

Jason remained silent.

"Anyways, you're butt-ugly." She continued. "Nobody likes you. In fact, nobody wants to be within fifty metres of you for fear of catching whatever the hell made you so ugly."

Jason frowned, "Who are you, anyways? And aren't you afraid like the rest?"

"Piper McLean," She answered. "And, being a massive Bitch, I pride myself on not giving a fuck."

"Makes sense," Jason nodded. "Where are we going?"

"The Grand Canyon," Piper answered. "Shit idea, I know. But it was here or nowhere, and nobody wants to stay in the shithole that is The Wilderness School."

"Sounds pretty bad," Jason admitted.

"You wouldn't believe the suicide count," Piper informed.

"Well, I don't know what_ I'm_ doing here." Jason confessed, "Honestly, I don't remember ever transferring schools or...anything, really."

Piper ignored Jason's claim, "You fucked up at home and nobody wanted to deal with your BS, so they sent you to this school."

"Well, what did I do?"

"How am I supposed to know? _You _did it."

"Well, I don't remember."

As the bus reeled to a stop, the coach rose and spoke, cutting off Piper's response.

"Alright, time for you little worthless shits, and Leo, to get off the bus." He stated. "C'mon now!"

Coach marched off the bus, his massive body just barely fitting through the bus exit. Everyone began to push and shove each other, all just trying to allow Leo to go first. He picked up his flawless body and exited gracefully. Everyone began to try to be the second one out, so they could be the closest to Leo.

"They're insane," Jason stated, shaking his head in disbelief. "I mean, I'm not gonna lie—that kids got it goin' on—but they're taking this a little too far."

"It's Leo Valdez," Piper shrugged, as if that answered everything, before getting out of her seat and marching off.

Jason followed. The two of them followed the class into the Museum, where the Coach explained things to them.

"Okay, you pathetic excuses for human beings," He started, soon noticing Leo's offended expression. "Oh, not you, Leo. You're perfect. Never forget that."

Leo smiled gratefully.

"Is Leo 16?" Jason inquired.

"15."

"Then we might want to alert the authorities," Jason muttered. "Coach seems a little too friendly with Leo than is legal."

Piper laughed.

"And—Ok, who's laughing?!" The coach demanded. "I'm sick of you little shits interrupting me!"

"Go to hell." Piper called, over the crowd of students looking back to see that it was her and turning back around, unsurprised.

"Oh, it's just that bitchy native kid." The coach muttered. "If the gods have any love for me what-so-ever, she'll fall off the skywalk."

Leo raised his eye brows, "What do you mean 'the god_s_'?"

"Leo, dear, your job is to stand around looking pretty," Coach informed. "Not point out my blunders."

Leo averted his gaze to the ground, discouraged.

"Anyways," Coach continued. "Everyone get out your geographical work sheets from the last day and pick a partner."

All the girls turned to face Leo, darting their eyes back and forth between each other and Leo. Coach didn't seem to notice.

"Sweet!" Piper cheered, pulling out a camcorder. "I sense some Hunger Games shit's about to go down."

Coach must've overhead.

"Erm, wait a second." He corrected himself. "It's probably for the best if I pick the groups."

Everyone groaned.

"Oh, shut your whiny asses up." Coach demanded. "Ok. Suzie—" he pointed at a short, blonde girl. "—you'll be partnered up with Damon."

"My name's Cher." The girl corrected, frowning.

"I don't care, Suzie."

"But Suzie isn't my—"

"Well, that's just too fucking bad!" Coach shouted. "Now get over by Damon before I pop a cap on your bitch-ass."

Jason watched Suzie—_Cher_—fearfully scurry over to Damon.

Coach continued listing off partners, messing up names repeatedly.

"—And, Piper, you'll be partnered up Leo, since you're the least likely to rape him while my back is turned." Coach finished. "Now off you go."

"Wait," Jason spoke up. "What about me?"

"Well, I'm not going to partner you up with anybody." Coach stated, "I don't hate these kids _that _much. You can be your own partner."

Jason sighed. He didn't know it at the moment, but being his own partner was the least of his troubles.

**Sooooo, whatcha think? Like, dislike, Love, strong-burning-passionate hate? Review and tell me. Throw in what you'd like to see in the next few chapters! **

**xox**


	2. Jason II

**I literally JUST published the first chapter, and I already got a few reviews! Wow! Thank you! Honestly, you guys have zero idea how much this means to me.**

**Anyhoo, here's Chapter 2 of AHOOP—Oh, my God. **_**A Heroes Of Olympus Parody**_**'s abbreviation is **_**really**_** "AHOOP". I love life so much right now.**

II

JASON

Jason stood on the skywalk, his eyes staring down at the canyon floor below.

_This is boring as fuck, _Jason thought to himself. _I might as well jump and save myself from the next three hours. _

"I swear to God," Piper's irritated tone grabbed Jason's attention. "I will gauge your eyes out and shove them up your—,"

"Hey, now!" A fellow student, proclaimed. "Ain't no need to be hostile now, lil' lady."

Jason found it funny that the creepy fake-Texan kid was flirting with Piper. Jason didn't know who he thought he was fooling, but he was pretty sure that everyone knew he wasn't really Texan. None the less, he wore cowboy boots, western jeans and button-up, tucked it shirt. So, yeah, he he'd obviously never had a girlfriend—Or any friend at all—before. Jason found himself wondering where that kid got the hay to put in his mouth, seeing as they were at a barren Canyon.

He placed a friendly hand on Piper's shoulder.

"Hands off," She shoved him away. "Stupid, fake-ass hillbilly."

"Well, you ain't very nice."

"Well, no shit, Sherlock." Piper rolled her eyes. "The author made that pretty clear in the summary."

"What?"

"Fuck you."

"Where do you get off talking to me like that?" He took a step forward.

"Hey!" Leo stepped in between them. "C'mon, Dylan, just leave her alone and go to your work."

"I'll leave her alone," The guy—Dylan—nodded. "If you promise to marry me."

Leo stepped back, "Excuse me?"

"You're so perfect," He admired.

"And heterosexual." Leo added, taking another step back.

"How could I have not noticed you before?" Dylan inquired to himself, his eyes lighting up. "You glorious creature, you."

"Glorious," Leo agreed. "_And _heterosexual."

"It is final," Dylan nodded. "I'll spare you, Demigod. I'll spare you and you'll live with me. Forever and ever."

"Whoa, now." Leo stepped back, partially scared and partially confused.

That's when things began to get strange—

Pardon me.

I mean even _more _strange than a creepy-ass non-Texan kid blatantly falling in love with Leo.

The sky above them began to grow dark. The winds grew stronger and thunder boomed overhead. The entire class froze, acknowledging the sudden change in weather.

"This can't be right!" Cher shouted out. "The weather can't just drastically shift like that in such a short time interval, this—"

"Just shut your face and get inside the goddamn building," Coach instructed. "All of you! Now!"

From all around Jason, people began crowding towards the exit as the winds grew stronger, blowing worksheets all over. Jason stood where he was in confusion of the sudden change of events. Looking around, he noticed that only he, Piper, Leo and Dylan remained in the center of the skywalk.

"Leo!" Coach shouted by the exit. "Hurry up!"

Jason frowned, "What about Piper and I?"

"Screw you two," Coach shrugged him off. "Leo's really the only one with much worth."

"What about me?" Dylan inquired.

"Nobody likes you," Coach stated plainly. "Go back to Texas."

Dylan chuckled, "I guess the joke's on all of you…"

Before Jason's very eyes, Dylan began to transform. His limbs went from solid to vapor, as the rest of him became no more than smoke, as well. From inside of him, lightning flickered. Jason's insides twisted nervously.

"…Because I'm not really Texan." Dylan finished, clearly proud of himself.

A silence fell across the three, and Coach.

"Ooh," Piper mocked. "You sure fooled us!"

Dylan frowned, "You think you're cool, huh, Demigod?"

"The name's Piper, actually."

"Well," Dylan continued, ignoring Piper's comment. "Let's see how brave you are, when there's _three _of me!"

At the snap of a finger, two creatures, identical to Dylan's new form, appeared.

"I'm shaking in my boots," Piper spoke in monotone.

Dylan frowned, "You know, you're hurting my feelings here. I mean, c'mon, you're supposed to be scared shitless right now."

Piper shrugged.

"I'm serious!" Dylan raised his voice. Jason could tell he was getting emotional. "Stop that! Fear me!"

Piper shook her head.

"Good Gods, that is it! I'm going to tear you to pieces!" Dylan shouted, the storm around them getting stronger and stronger. "I'll rip your limbs off your body and that brutal tongue _right _out of your mouth, foolish Demigod!"

Piper extended her empty palms in front of her.

"Whoops," She said. "You're out of luck. I just dropped the last fuck I give."

Dylan's expression fell into a poker face. He snapped his fingers, and Piper rose into the air then was catapulted off the skywalk.

"That bitch was riding my last nerve…" Dylan shook his head.

"Oh, my God!" Jason cried out. "Piper!"

Jason soon realized he was the only one who cared. He turned to Leo.

"She's going to _die!" _Jason informed him, as if he hadn't known.

Leo shrugged, "Yeah, and I feel bad for her, but she kind of had it coming."

Jason shook his head in disbelief. He then turned to the Coach.

"Coach?!" He questioned.

"…She…She fell off the skywalk." Coach's burly face had gone pale.

"_Someone _cares!" Jason appreciated.

"She _actually _fell off the skywalk." Coach repeated. He then turned his head up to the sky, his eyes tearing up. "You listened to me. You _do _care."

"Anyways ," Dylan continued. "I was supposed to stay and kill all three of you,—" He turned to face Jason. "—Especially _you_, but I'm sure my master will be just as happy to obtain this fine specimen."

He gestured towards Leo.

"Fuck my life," Leo sighed.

As if on cue, one of Dylan's buddies pointed a finger at Leo, sending him flying off the skywalk, as well.

Dylan's face went red with rage, "What the fuck, George!? Why would you do that!?"

"He said 'Fuck my life'." George informed. "that is _so _inconsiderate considering that there are billions and billions of people in the world who are suffering and going through hardships that they don't deserve and—,"

"Get to the goddamn point before I rip your throat out."

"—…I was giving him a real reason to say 'Fuck my life'."

Dylan whipped out a shotgun made out of mist and miniature lightning bolts, then shot George, killing him off.

"No!" Coach shouted, running towards the edge of the skywalk, preparing to jump after Leo.

"Wait!" Jason called. "What about Piper?"

Coach turned to Jason, "Fuck her! Leo's in trouble!"

And with that, Coach jumped off the edge, leaving Jason alone with the monsters.

_Wow, _Jason thought. _He committed suicide just for Leo. That's loyalty._

_But on the other hand, _Jason continued. _I'm fucked. _

Jason smiled to himself, none the less. Despite two of his classmates being killed off, his Coach committing suicide and him being alone with a murderous, ghostly being that possesses a shotgun, Jason had one good thing going for him.

_Yep, _Jason thought to himself. _I'm not the first one to die in this series_.

As if sensing his thoughts, Dylan angrily shot a lightning bolt at Jason. He flew back several feet, landing on the skywalk (luckier than Leo and Piper) and skidding across.

Jason could tell that his left shoe had been blasted off, and dark smoke was curling from his body.

"Okay, so all three of them are dead now." Dylan announced to his friend.

"It's a shame that cute boy had to die." His friend spoke. "May Hades rest his soul in Elysium."

Dylan nodded his head in agreement.

"Let's drop by Tim Hortans and call it a day."

"Sounds like a plan to me."

_Yes, _Jason thought to himself. _They think I'm dead. Now all I've got to do is remain silent. You know, play possum. They'll never know. And, once they leave, I can walk away with my life. Yep. Things are definitely working to the Jasonator's favor. After this, I think I'll drop by McDonalds. Yeah. I'll order some McChicken, some fries, and I'll abuse their 'free refills'. Oh, bliss. Today is going to be amazi—_

Jason's stomach growled.

_Fuck my life, _He continued.

"What was that?" Dylan frowned. "Did you hear something, Fred?"

_You," _Jason glared at his stomach. _Cut that shit out. The fuck you trying to do? Kill me? Be ashamed._

Embarrassed, his stomach silenced.

"Nope," Fred shrugged. "Must've been your imagination."

"I'll agree with you and assume it wasn't a sign of life from that butt-ugly thing over there," Dylan said. "Just to keep this story going."

Coach Hedge leaped back onto the skywalk, Leo dangling under his beefy arm.

"Hey, Jason!" He called. "If you wanna save that bitchy chick, she's got a real good grip on this little ledge about 100 meters down. If you wanna leave here there, it's cool with me. Leo's safe."

"He's alive?!" Dylan exclaimed, gesturing to Leo. "Sweet Zeus, he lives!"

"Oh, and that hideous blonde kid is dead." Fred informed Coach. "Sorry for your loss."

"Eh, I don't mind." Coach admitted. "Having to look at him every now and then was slowly killing my eye sight, anyways."

_Ouch, _Jason's self-esteem lowered.

"Okay, but I'm going to need that hot Latino," Dylan gestures towards Leo again.

Hedge pulled Leo closer, protectively. "Step off, brother. He's mine."

"Oh, no you didn't." Dylan placed a hand on his hip. "Fred, hold my shotgun. Shit's about to get real."

Coach placed Leo safely on the skywalk floor, and then turned to Dylan. "Come at me, bro."

Dylan launched himself at Coach Hedge; the two of them began to engage in combat.

_Ok, _Jason thought to himself. _This seems like a good time to help that bitchy ch—I mean, Piper._

Wearily, Jason forced himself to stand up. Nobody seemed to acknowledge him. He made his way over to the end of the skywalk, soon realizing what he was about to do.

_Okay, so how am I going to do this? _He asked himself.

Before he had time to figure out, a strong gust of wind pushed him over the edge. He began to fall, his limbs flailing as he fell further and further. Jason's heart was racing. Not only had he been stupid enough to stand so close to an edge during this kind of weather, but he was about to _die_. All he wanted at that moment was to stop falling.

The wind from falling stopped pressing against Jason. He soon realized that he'd stopped falling.

"Maybe I should start believing in God," Jason thought aloud.

"Maybe you should stop talking to yourself," Piper, who was dangling from a ledge nearby, commented. "And _fucking help me_."

Jason shook his head, "Faced a near-death experience and you're still as bitchy as ever."

"That's how bad bitches roll," She informed. "Now, c'mon, my fingers are tired."

Jason floated over to her and grabbed hold of her waist.

"I'm gonna kill Coach," She told him. "He climbed _right _by me. I yelled at him to help, but he stuck up his middle finger and went straight for Leo. Ugh, the nerve!"

"Yeah, that blows," Jason agreed, not really paying attention to what she was saying. "Slight problem: I have no clue how to fly upwards."

"Well, how'd you _stop _flying?"

"I dunno," Jason shrugged, "I just _did_."

"Well, that's a real fucking detailed answer."

"Sorry, yeesh." Jason apologized. "Uhm…"

He focused on going upwards.

"_Up._"

Immediately, him and Piper shot upwards.

Soon, they shot up above the skywalk, falling and hitting the glass floor, painfully.

"Ouch!" Piper complained. "That hurt, why'd you—,"

"Goddammit, Jason!" Coach complained, still fighting Dylan. "I didn't think you'd actually help her!'

"Well, someone in this fanfic has to be nice." Jason pointed out.

"What's a fanfic?" Leo inquired.

Jason frowned, realizing that he'd just revealed to several characters that all these occurrences were, indeed, a part of a fanfic.

"Leo, dear, your job is to stand around looking pretty," Jason informed. "Not point out my blunders."

Leo averted his gaze to the ground, discouraged.

His head bobbed up, "Wait a second, Coach said that to me earl—,"

"Shhh, Leo." Jason hushed him. "Just sit there and smile.

Leo sighed.

The sky above opened up. The thick clouds moved to the sides, creating a circle in the sky.

Dylan sighed, "My Master calls. So I guess this is farewell."

Dylan and Fred began to rise into the air dramatically.

Slowly, but surely, the two of them rose higher and higher into the stormy sky, with evil looks in their eyes.

"But I'd never leave without my Gorgeous Latino!" Dylan yelled, catching Coach off guard. He extended an arm and Leo shot into the sky.

"Tryna steal my man?! I DON'T THINK SO." Coach leaped up on top of the rising body of Leo.

He pushed Leo down, catapulting himself upwards, trying to get one last kick/punch in before Dylan vanished.

Sadly, it didn't work out that way.

The circle sucked up all three of them, the vanished within seconds.

"Well, goddamn." Piper said. "That was unexpected.

Jason nodded. "So…Anyone wanna come with me to McDonalds?"

"That depends, are you paying?" Piper inquired.

"Uh, guys," Leo interrupted. "We might need to postpone that."

Piper and Jason glanced at Leo questioningly.

"Unless you guys see the unicorns, too."

Piper and Jason exchanged glances.

"Uhm, Leo." Jason said. "Is there something you need to tell us?"

Leo nodded, "Yeah, there are two unicorns and a chariot descending above us."

"Leo, you're high as fuck right now, aren't you?" Piper inquired.

"What the…No!" He yelled. "I'm serious! Look up!"

Piper and Jason glanced up and, indeed a chariot, pulled by what appeared to be unicorns, was descending at that very moment.

**Okay! That's it! I was going to write more, but I have a stupid Romeo and Juliet essay due tomorrow, and a ton of math homework. *sighs* Grade 9 sucks ass. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I'm, most likely, not going to update again until the 21****st****. From then, I have no school until January 7****th****, so I'll probably be updating a lot. **

**NOTE: I got like 4 reviews right after I posted chapter 1, so I'm posting chapter 2 quickly. See what I did there? The more reviews, the faster I upload. I appreciate everyone who reviewed, and I'd appreciate it even more if you guys told me what you wanna see in the upcoming chapters. Not like specifics, but if you want some Jasper scenes, or if you want Leo to talk more (he didn't talk an awful lot in this chapter, I'll admit). So, c'mon, guys!**

**xox**


	3. Piper III

**Hey, guys!**

**Oh, my gosh! I was sooooo impressed with nine reviews for my two chapters! Thank you guys sooo much! I got a couple questions that I'm sure more people might be wondering, so here are my answers:**

_Doesn't the first chapter end with the storm starting?_

**Yes, it does in the original book. This, of course, is a parody. So I've timed things differently, and write things differently. So expect some differences between this and the original.**

_Tell me about grade 9 sucking ass. Just curious but does jason still have his sword fighting - lightning-power stuff or is he hopeless in that too?  
update soon  
rats_

**Oh, haha. Grade nine is the worst. And, I've actually been thinking about this. Believe it or not, this story started off as a writing tool to free me from writers block (I'm writing a novel, and I get stuck all the time). Writing a more humorous text relaxes me and gives me ideas. So basically, I write these chapters on the spot. No planning, just 10-20 minutes of my day. So, I don't know, really. You'll just have to wait and see!**

**Ok, I loved ALL of the reviews. They were all super positive and made me smile! Thank you all so much!**

**Ok, enough of my rambling. On to the chapter!**

III

PIPER

Piper shook her head.

"And they tried to convince me unicorns weren't real…" Piper muttered to herself. "Fuck you, Jane. Fuck you."

Leo turned to Piper, "Who's Jane?"

"Dad's assistant," Piper answered. "She's a huge bitch."

"Worse than you?"

"Let's not go that far."

With a gust of air, the chariot landed. Immediately, a thin blonde girl leaped out of the chariot and charged over to them.

She stood in front of them, her eyes darting over the three of them.

Finally, she gaze stopped on Jason.

"You," She pointed at him. "…Gorgon—no, wait, uhm…Laistry—no, no, can't be that either. You dog-like-creature-thing—,"

"Actually he's human," Piper interrupted.

The girl's eyes widened. She glared at Jason disbelievingly, her eyes watering slightly at the sight.

"Huh," She muttered. "Aphrodite must've hated your fucking guts."

"Who?" Jason inquired.

"That Greek goddess we learned about in class that one day," Leo answered. "Emphasis on _goddess_."

"Oh, the one coach said was hot?"

"Yeah,"

"Oh," Jason said. "Well, yeesh, what did I do to her?"

"Don't know, don't care." The girl shrugged. "Now, answer my question: _Where is my boyfriend_?_"_

She reached forward and grabbed Jason's collar aggressively, her stone gray eyes bearing into Jason.

"You don't need to get to physical," Leo stepped forward, removing the girls grip on Jason.

"Why not?" Piper frowned. "I mean, if she punched him… Well, he can only get prettier from here, right?"

Leo ignored her.

"He knows where my boyfriend is!" The girl shouted, pointing at Jason's shoeless foot as if that explained everything. She turned to Jason again. "I'll ask you _one _more time. Where is he?"

"I don't know!" Jason shouted back.

"Probably non-existent," Leo answered. "You crazy bitch. Now, get to steppin', girl. We were about to go to McDonalds."

"Too fucking bad," the girl said. "We'll talk more about this later. For now, get in the chariot."

"And what if we don't want to?" Leo challenged.

"Then you'll deal with Butch."

"Who's Butch?"

As if on cue, a bear-sized man stepped out of the chariot. He was quite hairy, and not very intelligent looking. Piper figured that Butch would rip some serious shit up if asked.

"Oh." Leo spoke in a small voice, probably imagining what Butch would do if they refused to go. "Uhm, I've always wanted it ride in a chariot pulled by unicorns, anyways."

"Pegasus," The girl corrected. "And my name's Annabeth."

"Never asked," Leo said. "but ok."

"Just get in the goddamn chariot."

Riding in a chariot was fun. It would've been more fun if everyone—except for Annabeth—wasn't so afraid of Butch.

"This is it," Jason decided, whispering. The three of them were huddled in the corner of the chariot, as far from Butch and Annabeth as possible. "They're taking us to their lair. The big guy—Butch—he's going to eat us. We're doomed."

"He'll eat me," Piper corrected. "He'll probably throw _you _away, and definitely rape and keep Leo."

"Mother of God," Leo buried his face in his palms.

Jason placed a comforting hand on Leo's shoulder.

"We're almost there," Annabeth announced. "It's going to be a bumpy ride."

"What do you mean—,"

Before Leo could finish, the chariot began to have a seizure. Well, not really, but it began doing aerials, and backflips, and triple axel flips and shit. Piper had no clue what was going on. Before she could figure it out, she fell into water. The surface of the water was pretty calm, so hitting it hurt like a mother fucker. Soon, she began to fall deeper and deeper into the unknown. She couldn't see a thing. Naturally, she couldn't open her eyes underwater. She felt dizzy.

_No, _Piper thought to herself. _I'm not dying a virgin._

Summoning all the strength she had left, she managed to swim to the surface. While coughing and gagging and making several other unattractive sounds, people ran out to her and hauled her onto land.

"Is she okay?"

"Give her some room!"

"Out of the way!"

Piper had no idea who was saying what, but, naturally, she didn't give a fuck.

"Is she okay?" She heard Jason's voice repeat.

"Shut up!" Piper growled at all the people talking at once. "You're giving me a fucking migraine. Ugh."

Piper glanced around. She saw a ton of people, varying in age, surrounding her. They all wore the same orange T-shirt and dumbfounded look on their faces. She redirected her eyes to Jason, who looking like a wet rat at the moment.

"Oh, yeah," She squinted at him. "Don't forget you owe me food. Just because we got dragged to this shithole, doesn't mean you're not still treating me to McDonalds."

Jason shot her a soft smile.

Off in the distance, Piper could hear trotting. Before she could register it as the stomping of a horse, a horse-man-thing pushed its way through the crowd. _Literally. _He trampled several kids and threw others out of the way. He trotted right past Piper and Jason; straight towards Leo.

"You must be Leo Valdez!" He exclaimed, his eyes twinkling. "Welcome to Camp Half-Blood."

Jason cleared his throat. Probably trying to bring attention to him and Piper, since they were new, too.

The man (horse?) turned to Jason and scowled.

"Ew… The things you guys allow onto Camp grounds now-a-days…" He shook his head. "Dispose of it."

"It's a demigod, sir." Annabeth assured.

"…Are you sure?" He inquired.

Annabeth nodded.

"…Has word of its arrival reached Olympus yet?"

"They're all too busy watching 'The TriDemigod Tournament' on Olympus TV to have noticed," Annabeth said. "So, no."

"So why can't we dispose of it?" he said. "It's not like his parent will give a shit. They'll probably be happy."

Suddenly, a chorus of gasps erupted from the crowd.

"Oh, shut up." The man said. "Did you guys really expect different from me?"

"No! Look at the sexy Latino kid!"

"What?" Leo inquired.

Little did he know, there was a glowing symbol above his head.

**My endings are always super boring, I'm sorry. Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Did you get my little Harry Potter reference? 'The TriDEMIGOD Tournament' 'The TriWIZARD Tournament'? I hope you caught that :3 This chapter was rather short, I know, I'm sorry! **

**Oh, and sorry if there are any spelling/grammatical errors. This chapter was kind of rushed...  
**

**I most likely won't update again until the 26****th****, so have a Merry Christmas/Good Holiday! **

**DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW! Reviews for this story is like gas for a car. They keep it running. So, don't leave this story stranded in the mountains! REVIEW! **


	4. Piper IV

**I know, I know, I'm SUCH an asshole. I'm sorry for vanishing! See, I'm stuck in that exam part of the year and, being my first exam, I was hella busy and seriously didn't have time to write! So, to make it up to you, I'll update like mad crazy between January 24****th**** and February 4****th****. I'll have a shitload of free time, so yeah.**

**Secondly, I know advertising on a story is capital R rude but would you guys mind checking out a story a wrote? It's a for a contest thingy. It isn't funny, more emotional, and I'd LOVE for you to check it out! Please and thanks! The link will be on my profile!  
**

**Now, on with the story!**

PIPER IV

The whole camp stopped and stared in awe at the glowing symbol above Leo's head. Piper, however, was silently hoping she'd get to see him get burned to death by it.

"Burn, burn, burn…" She muttered to herself. "C'mon, burn. Mama wants a show."

Leo began to notice what everyone was glaring at and tilted his head up to see. The fiery symbol moved with his head. He bobbed and weaved around, trying to get whatever was on him, off. Piper sighed inwardly; obviously she wasn't going to get to see anyone burn to death today, but seeing Leo shuffling around like an idiot would have to do.

Eventually the symbol vanished, leaving Leo wide-eyed and confused.

"Well," The horseman announced, a sight hint of amusement in his voice. "That was quite the show. Annabeth, dear, call Olympus. Have them do that again."

Annabeth frowned, "There are more pressing issues to deal with. Like where that blonde goblin—,"

"I told you," Piper interrupted. "He's _actually _human."

"No!" Annabeth yelled. "I don't _care _what you say! As a daughter of Athena, I would like to pride myself on the simplistic ability to tell a human, from a…not-human-thing, okay? And that—," She jerked an indecent thumb at an annoyed Jason. "—is what I like to call a not-human-thing. In fact, we're not even going to classify him as a demigod in our medical reports. His species will remain _unknown _until further notice."

"Why don't you just spear me?" Jason suggested. "Would have hurt less than that comment."

"And it wouldn't have effected your self-esteem," Leo added.

A beefy boy in the crowd raised his javelin.

"Hey!" Jason raised his arms defensively, but what that would've done to defend him against a spear in the chest was unknown to piper. "I was _kidding_! Put that down!"

Piper shook her head disapprovingly.

"You guys _all_ need to be nicer."

Jason and Leo's head spun to face Piper, disbelieving what they'd just heard.

"So my bitterness stands out." Piper concluded, vanquishing the boys' shock.

The horse-man raised an arm, "This group is, obviously, not going to survive very long, so we might as well keep introductions short. My name is Chiron, I am your trainer, you sad excuses of life are considered _Demigods_, you are half Greek god and half mortal, so that makes you a half-idiotic being—And, no, I wasn't referring to your mortal half."

Thunder rumbled in the distance.

Chiron ignored it.

Jason, however, felt something. He brought his hand up to his heart.

"What… What was that?" He inquired, delightedly. "That…That _feeling. _It feels so familiar. So _warm_. Almost as if I know—as if I'm _close _to—the deity that produced it. Almost as if… I'm _related_ to it."

Annabeth face-palmed.

"Nice going, dumbass." Chiron rolled his eyes. "You just revealed a huge plot development."

"What?" Jason queried, confused.

"Why don't you just go ahead and tell them _the rest _of your unknown identity?"

"What?!" Jason demanded again, ticked off. "You act like I'm from a secret, Roman-Version of your camp!"

The crowd burst into a chorus of "Ooooohhhh!" and "Are you fucking kidding me!?" and "Someone kill this kid off before he reveals the whole Leo-Sammy thing, too!".

Leo perked up, "Leo-Sammy thing?"

"I've never heard of it," Jason admitted. "But if I had to guess, I'd say Sammy is your gr—,"

"Don't you fucking dare!" Chiron interrupted. "That's like the _biggest _thing to happen in the third book and, even though I wasn't even really _in _the novel—Thanks for that, Rick. Way to make me feel loved.—I don't want you revealing it!"

"I think everyone can agree that Percabeth falling into Tartarus was _the biggest thing_." Jason corrected. "One hell of a cliff hanger, too."

"NOOOOOO!" Someone in the crowd shouted.

"OH, THE HUMANITY!" Another cried out.

"What?" Annabeth asked.

"We'll miss you!" Someone yelled, bursting into tears soon after.

"What're you talking about?!" She demanded.

The crowd fell silent except for the occasional "Shhh!" and "Don't tell her!".

"What?" She asked again, her face paling. "What is it? What's Percabeth? What does that mean? Why won't you tell me?!"

"Shhh, Annabeth." Chiron placed a concerned hand on her shoulder. "Let's just say… Things aren't looking up for you in the third novel."

Annabeth gasped, "Rick… He kills me off?!"

"Oh, heavens no!" Chiron assured her. "He didn't… _say _that."

"Well then what?"

Chiron shook his head, "No. Not now, it's too soon to tell."

Annabeth saddened dramatically, tilting her head to the ground.

"Anyways, Annabeth, I have more important things to do so go deal with these cunts—_campers_, I mean." Chiron stopped and thought for a bit. "No, I mean cunts. Either way, deal with them."

Chiron trotted off, leaving Leo to be engulfed by campers, all offering to give him a tour, a discouraged Jason, and an utterly bored Piper.

**Sorry I ended it here! I know, it sucked! Exams have sucked all my energy, and I'm lacking creativity! D: I'm hitting a level 50 writer's block, too. So in your reviews, mention what you'd like to see! Maybe that'll give me a little jumpstart. Thanks guys!**


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